It has been a long time since I have been happy, or since I have done something that deep down, I truly felt deep down would make me happy. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I was happy, or the last time I did something for me, that I truly wanted to do. I have become one of those people that I never wanted to be, dreaming, an idealist, afraid to take risks because I might fail; afraid to live up to my true potential. I do all these things that I never thought I would become.
I have discovered that life is too short to live it the way I have been living it so far. I have wasted 24 years of my life, and no matter how much I think about changing the path I am on, no changes seem to be taking place anytime soon.
I feel sad, unhappy, depressed and worn out, possibly suffering from chronic fatigue syndrome and working at a job that is stressful, where the higher ups do not appreciate the value or importance of their employees.
I may have a few vacations and trips scheduled in the near future, and so we shall see how it goes from there. I have plans to be in Texas, Maine, Italy and New Orleans all this year. I just hope that the adventures I have planned are all they are cracked up to be.
I would probably die right now if I didn’t have the greatest friends in the world.
But the things I love to do, the things that truly make me happy are the most artistic, creative and competitive things in the world. Does little ole me even stand the slightest chance? I used to believe in miracles, but not anymore. I feel like a zombie going through the notions of life.
How crazy would I really be to just pack my bags and go somewhere, without any real destination in mind?